Fi and Will, both identified as 42, gave the Guardian separate accounts of a desire mismatch that had left them without sex for more than six months: Fi said Will declined about 80 percent of her initiations, while Will described depression, low self-worth, antidepressants, performance anxiety and a painful back injury. [1]

Their disagreement sharpened when Fi found Will masturbating after declining sex, because she experienced rejection while he said the solitary act avoided the physical and emotional demands of partnered sex; that distinction led them to discuss what sex, reassurance and refusal meant to each of them. [1]

They reported returning to sex about weekly, but the account does not prove that conversation treated depression, changed a medication effect or produced durable improvement, and its 80 percent, six-month and weekly figures are one couple's recollections rather than prevalence or efficacy estimates. [1]

The value lies in refusing simple blame, since pain, medication, anxiety, self-worth, desire, solitary behavior and partnered intimacy can impose different demands; consent remains necessary every time, no partner owes sex as reassurance, and communication about rejection can still matter.

This account supplies neither diagnosis nor treatment advice, so people facing depression, medication concerns, pain or sexual difficulties may need qualified mental-health or medical care suited to them, and one couple's way of naming a problem cannot become a general rule for another relationship.

-- LUCIA VEGA, Sao Paulo